I’ve decided to start putting the funniest stuff from the web up on this blog for you loyal readers who might not have gotten it. So here’s some of the funniest and best stuff from the past few weeks.

Another reason to not add your mom on facebook. Especially if you’re a horny college student.    Found this from Geekologie. These next few are from “Hawtness” - girls who make you say “FTW?”

Like, come on, she could feel that there was air flapping in her ass. Either way, baddddd fashion choice!

I truely believe that she thinks he consented to this. Mmmmmmmmm clown dick!!!

Pictureisunrelated.com is the place for things you can’t unsee, and the above is one of them. No, it’s not Yoda, but you’re close - it’s the female version of his little green race.  How they got a GREEN flesh light, I have no clue. But still, this is freaking hilarious!!

Let’s wrap it up with another Geekologie funny thing, this time I have the site it’s originally from, should you want to order this.  Would be great for a bachelor party.

Freakin’ hilarious. I’ll be posting a new erotic story at my Phone Sex Livejournal soon, so keep an eye out for it!

Why not BOTH at the same time, Mr. Vidal?

The Jobcentre is advertising an unusual position - the ’semi-nude’ host of a pornographic TV channel.

Jobless Sophie Randall-Price, 25, said: “I couldn’t believe it when I saw this. I’m willing to work hard, but I’m not willing to whip my top off and talk dirty to a bunch of weirdos in the middle of the night on national TV.”

Aww, come on Sophie. This job sounds great. Perhaps you should loosen up a bit? Or lighten up? Or…GET YOUR TITS OUT. No? Yeah, no one probably wants to see your tits anyway. Bitch.

Perhaps Soph’ needs to just get fucked in her pony hole?
Isn’t that the case though? Soph’ could use some serious kink therapy.
Well fortunately we’re HERE for you.
Some people need to go to great lengths. We understand. Like this lady.
A woman was reportedly caught after breaking into a jail to have sex with her husband.
She knew what she wanted. She took ‘action.’ Or got some action. Or you know, fucked her husband…

Kent Police said a woman was arrested on suspicion of criminal trespass and later released with no further action.

Well of she’s not getting any further action (from him). Do you think she only got caught on the way out because the guards were watching on the security cam? In the war against sexual oppression, I think we have a Medal of Freedom winner!

Have you ever been totally uncontrollably horny? Like really Really HORNY? I’ve been just absolutely insatiable lately! I just can’t cum enough. I don’t think that there is enough phone sex out there to make me satisfied, but I’m SO willing to try to find out. I just really need to cum as much as possible this weekend to see if I can become satisfied. I will be looking for hot phone partners as MUCH as possible all weekend long. I just need to hear that hot explosion over the phone so that I can get off again and again. I have my toys all lined up and ready to go and I can’t WAIT to get to use them until several sets of batteries are dead.
So… let your fingers do the walking and lets have some hot nasty phone sex so that I can end up totally satisfied at the end of this weekend!

xoxo Kaycee

I was just thinking about fetishes. I was thinking back on all the calls that I’ve done and wondering what fetishes are missing from my repertoire. Having also worked at an adult video store I know of ALOT of fetishes, guys would ask for anything from shemale porn to midgets having sex with pregnant women. There was one guy that would come in all the time and ask for tickling porn. Well, they didn’t make alot of tickling porn so he ended up renting the same few movies over and over again. I am a very curious person so I always wanted to see what all the different fetish pornos were like. One day I popped in a tickling porn and I couldn’t help but smile, it looked like so much fun. Since then I’ve always had it in the back of my mind. When someone tries to tickle me my natural reaction is to fight back, I can’t knowingly let someone tickle me but when they hold me down and do it anyway I have to admit I get kinda wet, I love being out of control, struggling and convulsing while someone is on top of me forcing me to take it. And all the while we are laughing.

You have to admit there is something hot about it. I have a fantasy about it even. I would love to roleplay it, I imagine myself spending the night at a friends house, she is your girlfriend and you two live together. You leave to go to your friends place so we can have the house to ourselves for a little girl’s night fun. But when you get to your friends house and knock on the door you realize hes not there, you wait for a bit but he never shows so you have no choice but to go back home. In the mean time me and you girlfriend f start drinking and getting a little grabby with each other while your gone, expecting you to be gone for hours we stripped down to our underwear and are wrestling around on the couch (this actually happens sometimes, in my circle of friends anyway). As you walk to the door you hear us laughing and just assume we are having some innocent fun. But as the door swings open you see us on the couch; I’m on my stomach wearing only a pair of orange cotton panties and your girlfriend is sitting on my bare back holding my arms down wearing silky black panties and matching bra. You feel shocked and embarrassed by what you are looking at but we just keep rolling around laughing and then your girlfriend asks you to help her out and come hold me down. How can you resist? I’m so wet thinking about your weight on me while your girlfriends skinny little fingers tickle my toes and underarms. I can’t wait to play

Well, consider this video:

I hear a rumbling! Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!

So, obviously there is something to all the counseling advice about taking an interest in your partner’s interests. The next time one of my girlfriends tells me her man is “obsessed with Guitar Hero” I won’t be able to keep a straight face.

Still maybe you should just put your gaming console next to his?

At the bottom, you’ll notice six individual channels with their own adjustment knobs. This means that you could hook up more than one electrode item to your body and give different areas, different sensations. For example, you can assemble together a set that involves cockrings, tens pads, a butt plug and a urethral sound.

Oh my! Still it does lack the human touch. But you know what they say? The solution is at hand.

Also -get a wireless headset. Hands Free Operation is all the rage.

So this isn’t available yet, but this is HILARIOUS - do you want to be boned by a vampire?  Has Twilight (re: rule 34*) or True Blood got you SO hot that you need vampire dick? Well look no further than “The VAMP” - a dildo that you can warm up or stick in the freezer (for that extra “cold blooded” vampire feeling) before you shove it in your snatch. Or, for the bi curious guy, up your asshole.

And yes, it DOES sparkle. See the video below for an example of HOW it sparkles in the sun, just like the vampires from Twilight do!!!

*Rule 34: If it exists, there’s a porn of it.

There’s something in life I enjoy - phone sex being one of them..  Sports - typically not my thing.. unless the olympics are around.   I know, i will be spanked for being a “bad girl” and making such a comment - although spankings are a turn on… hmm perhaps, i’ll rethink that..

ANYWAY,  so today while roaming the news, I saw this link about Usain Bolt and the NFL … Bolt would run the 40 in WHAT?

Having been a sprinter back in high school and college track / field events do catch my attention and this blog post was no exception. Like I said, I dont follow football, but imagine the impact and strategy changes that would occur if the NFL started drafting world record sprinters. I would take a day off from masturbating and phone sex to watch him play a game.   Maybe all those hot guys in tight pants might be a good thing!

 On other sports news… did you see the unassisted triple play the other night that ended the Mets vs Philly’s game?  I finally found the video showing it .. i guess MBL has pulled it from youtube (how sucky is that?!!)     MBL Triple Play Video - Mets vs Philly’s  .    Kudos to you Bruntlett - for being the 2nd player ever to end a game with an unassisted triple play!! 

And finally - one  of the girls showed this to me months ago .. but if you havent caught it.. There’s a petition out to bring POLE dancing to the Olympics!! You think im joking? http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/27846893/ I can just see it.. Jenna Jamison talkin about techniques .. to Brian Wilson he he

Ok .. enough sports for me.. now back to our reguarly scheduled phone fucking. :o)
xo
Peaches

You know, it is the 21st century, PEOPLE.

While I can certainly appreciate the resourcefulness of girl/boy on vegetable action- apply some technology folks.

Sara’s Hard On the Cukes (video)

Slicing One for the Parents (video)

And who puts it back in the fridge?

But you know sometimes your solution is in your own hands. Or IS your own hands, guys. Because some hi-tech gadgets are more hype than help.

WATER PROOF TURBO STROKER

Waterproof, fully automated, one hand activation turbo stroker with 3 speeds of incredible vibrating and stroking action. Easy to disassemble and clean. Silicone donut and noduled sleeve. EZ push button action with LED lights. Requires 4 AA batteries…

Apparently that is more marketing than anything…
Bloggers have reviewed this pocket pussy and proclaim it a “wimp.” (Note: All wimps might be pussies but not all pussies are wimps.)
In any event grab your best gadget or yourself and give me a call. I feel certain we can work it out with one of my time honored solutions

Well I don’t know. I have had a run in or two with some pretty pushy guys who wanted me to just show them my feet ‘real quick’ or glared over my shoulder as I slipped on shoes at the store. I’ll be the first to admit that I like having my feet worshiped but it is just one of those things that has to be invited, when I’m trying on shoes I’m probably don’t want a random man trying to touch my feet. I’m at the store, in full shopping mode. And the thing about these men is that they can’t help themselves, they convince themselves that there is no crime in just touching a foot in public. I guess the jury is still out on whether or not it is a crime. Check this guy out for example:

Apparently this guy’s shtick was that he would walk around the foot wear section of his local Target store and solicite women to try on shoes. He took it a little to far when he kissed one ladies leg. Of course he said it was actually just sweat on the top of his head when he accidentally brushed against her leg. As he put it: “As I was helping her put on the shoe, her knee, above the knee, rubbed against my head, which it was a really hot day that day and there was a little sweat on there, and she became a little bit startled.” Personally I don’t think I could mistake the feel of a kiss and the top of a person’s sweaty head. I don’t think I would let some guy in Target kiss me or brush his head against me. There is a time and a place dude.

He goes on to say that he really doesn’t think it is a crime to just ask women to try on shoes since they can always so no. Even though I have a feeling he was pretty persistent about it. “I don’t think that’s wrong,” he said.  “I don’t think I was doing anything wrong. If it is wrong, I’d like to know because I was never really warned that I was doing anything wrong.” I don’t see why he wouldn’t get a job in a women’s shoe store instead of hanging around Target where you don’t get helped with purchasing shoes. He probably has gotten fired from many a shoe store come to think of it.

Maybe some of you kinky guys out there get off on touching women’s feet in public, well there is no need to get arrested for it. Just give me a call and we can roleplay your exhibitionist foot fondling fantasy.

I know it is tough out there,

Industry insiders estimate that since 2007, revenue for most adult production and distribution companies has declined 30% to 50%

…but I like to think of it as HARD TIMES. Hugely erect, hard times… But things are turning up. In fact now that grocers in the UK are starting to cater to my men, I feel a massive swell pulsing into the economy.

A supermarket giant is to cater for well-endowed men by stocking extra large condoms.

Of course I don’t think there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, but your mileage may vary.

Drunken naked man passes out in worng hotel room. In a bed already occupied by a husband and wife.

Maybe they should have just, you know, gone with it? Or maybe tied him up and taken him home to play with?

After reading this article I almost want my own pet Geek.

Best of all, though, we would fuck like rabbits. On “Who Knew? Day” employees wore badges proclaiming their sexual orientation. Intimate relationships sprouted like mold on bread….

I bet one of them came up with this page! Rrrowrrrrrrr! Do you think his congressman could name that fetish?

Rep. Alcee Hastings nearly turned C-Span into XXX-Span when he ran through a laundry list of sex fetishes on the House floor…

1. Jealous much? 2. I bet more people would WATCH C-SPAN if they had some re-enactments. Amirite? At least I HAVE learned some useful things searching for naughty bits on the internet. Like WHY the Hulk’s pants are so tight. And that a lot of 16th century nuns were not lesbians. Who knew?

Girolamo Priuli denounced them as unofficial courtesans, sleeping with foreigners in exchange for financial presents. This discreet arrangement exploded in scandal in 1561, when a convent founded for reformed prostitutes…

Oh what could possibly go wrong there?

…was discovered to be in business, with the Father confessor as pimp, having had relations with 20 of his charges himself.

I wonder if he had a Huggy Bear hat?