I’ve decided to start putting the funniest stuff from the web up on this blog for you loyal readers who might not have gotten it. So here’s some of the funniest and best stuff from the past few weeks.

Another reason to not add your mom on facebook. Especially if you’re a horny college student.    Found this from Geekologie. These next few are from “Hawtness” - girls who make you say “FTW?”

Like, come on, she could feel that there was air flapping in her ass. Either way, baddddd fashion choice!

I truely believe that she thinks he consented to this. Mmmmmmmmm clown dick!!!

Pictureisunrelated.com is the place for things you can’t unsee, and the above is one of them. No, it’s not Yoda, but you’re close - it’s the female version of his little green race.  How they got a GREEN flesh light, I have no clue. But still, this is freaking hilarious!!

Let’s wrap it up with another Geekologie funny thing, this time I have the site it’s originally from, should you want to order this.  Would be great for a bachelor party.

Freakin’ hilarious. I’ll be posting a new erotic story at my Phone Sex Livejournal soon, so keep an eye out for it!

Why not BOTH at the same time, Mr. Vidal?

The Jobcentre is advertising an unusual position - the ’semi-nude’ host of a pornographic TV channel.

Jobless Sophie Randall-Price, 25, said: “I couldn’t believe it when I saw this. I’m willing to work hard, but I’m not willing to whip my top off and talk dirty to a bunch of weirdos in the middle of the night on national TV.”

Aww, come on Sophie. This job sounds great. Perhaps you should loosen up a bit? Or lighten up? Or…GET YOUR TITS OUT. No? Yeah, no one probably wants to see your tits anyway. Bitch.

Perhaps Soph’ needs to just get fucked in her pony hole?
Isn’t that the case though? Soph’ could use some serious kink therapy.
Well fortunately we’re HERE for you.
Some people need to go to great lengths. We understand. Like this lady.
A woman was reportedly caught after breaking into a jail to have sex with her husband.
She knew what she wanted. She took ‘action.’ Or got some action. Or you know, fucked her husband…

Kent Police said a woman was arrested on suspicion of criminal trespass and later released with no further action.

Now THAT's "Close-Circuit."

Well of she’s not getting any further action (from him). Do you think she only got caught on the way out because the guards were watching on the security cam? In the war against sexual oppression, I think we have a Medal of Freedom winner!

The Discovery Channel Has Nothing On Me

Well I don’t know. I have had a run in or two with some pretty pushy guys who wanted me to just show them my feet ‘real quick’ or glared over my shoulder as I slipped on shoes at the store. I’ll be the first to admit that I like having my feet worshiped but it is just one of those things that has to be invited, when I’m trying on shoes I’m probably don’t want a random man trying to touch my feet. I’m at the store, in full shopping mode. And the thing about these men is that they can’t help themselves, they convince themselves that there is no crime in just touching a foot in public. I guess the jury is still out on whether or not it is a crime. Check this guy out for example:

Foot Fetish suspect: Its all just a misunderstanding

Apparently this guy’s shtick was that he would walk around the foot wear section of his local Target store and solicite women to try on shoes. He took it a little to far when he kissed one ladies leg. Of course he said it was actually just sweat on the top of his head when he accidentally brushed against her leg. As he put it: “As I was helping her put on the shoe, her knee, above the knee, rubbed against my head, which it was a really hot day that day and there was a little sweat on there, and she became a little bit startled.” Personally I don’t think I could mistake the feel of a kiss and the top of a person’s sweaty head. I don’t think I would let some guy in Target kiss me or brush his head against me. There is a time and a place dude.

He goes on to say that he really doesn’t think it is a crime to just ask women to try on shoes since they can always so no. Even though I have a feeling he was pretty persistent about it. “I don’t think that’s wrong,” he said.  “I don’t think I was doing anything wrong. If it is wrong, I’d like to know because I was never really warned that I was doing anything wrong.” I don’t see why he wouldn’t get a job in a women’s shoe store instead of hanging around Target where you don’t get helped with purchasing shoes. He probably has gotten fired from many a shoe store come to think of it.

Maybe some of you kinky guys out there get off on touching women’s feet in public, well there is no need to get arrested for it. Just give me a call and we can roleplay your exhibitionist foot fondling fantasy.

I just got done writing a really long article for my journal - plus I’m going to redecorate it soon, so here’s a little tease. Either way, if you like what I have to write about, then you should get your hand off your cock, and call me for a phone masturbation (or a mutual masturbation)  naughty little phone call.

Something about hearing your dick over the phone, as it’s lathered up with lube and you’re stroking it up and down so fast that I can hear it on the other end - is so damn naughty it gets my little pussy juices flowing. I know that when I’m rubbing my pussy and it’s wet, that you can hear it to.  I know that I can teach you new ways to touch yourself, how to touch yourself like I’m right there in front of you. Bending over, waiting for you to shove that big fat meat inside of me and make me gush all over as you pound away.  Would you like that?  I thought so.

What are you waiting for? Click and get off!

This, is freaking hilarious.  Obviously it’s NSFW, but you are already at a NSFW site so no hiding it behind a “more” cut!!  The world’s ugliest male speedo!

Found this over at Jezebel, originally from Village Voice.

I wanted to post some funny sex news something or other but alas I cannot find anything I think is interesting enough. Props to the girls on the blog that come across their funny sex news. I guess I’ll stick to my usually sexy stuff.

Today I would like to talk about masturbation. I love it, its cool when I do it and everything but what I really like is watching guys do it. I actually get really wet when I can hear their wet dick getting beat-off while I’m on the phone with them. And I’ve always been a voyeur, I guess it is something you are just born with. I have the curiosity gene. Many a time I have caught my boyfriend masturbating and it is such a fucking turn-on. I usually then ask him to pretend that I’m not there watching him, so it is sexier for me; but of course he turns into Mr. Grabby hands. I can’t really blame him but I still love to go all peeping tom on him. One time in particular I woke up and he was not in bed with me, at the time we were living in a house that had a faulty bathroom door. When it was closed you could look through the crack and see in perfectly, without detection. So I got up and saw that the bathroom light was on and took the liberty of looking in. (more…)

Well, if anywhere was the best place to post this most amazing “fail” from FailBlog.

Oh good, I was worried that this might be lost in the size, but click on it to see the bigger version.  I can’t help but wonder if this woman is very exhibitionist and likes to show off, or if she honestly didn’t think the car with the tall antanae and the tiny cameras was NOT going to take a picture of her?  Or, why (for good or for bad) is there not someone who goes through the shots before they go up?

(For those who cannot tell what this picture is, well… Guess what that long flesh colored one in the middle is.)