Have you ever been totally uncontrollably horny? Like really Really HORNY? I’ve been just absolutely insatiable lately! I just can’t cum enough. I don’t think that there is enough phone sex out there to make me satisfied, but I’m SO willing to try to find out. I just really need to cum as much as possible this weekend to see if I can become satisfied. I will be looking for hot phone partners as MUCH as possible all weekend long. I just need to hear that hot explosion over the phone so that I can get off again and again. I have my toys all lined up and ready to go and I can’t WAIT to get to use them until several sets of batteries are dead.
So… let your fingers do the walking and lets have some hot nasty phone sex so that I can end up totally satisfied at the end of this weekend!

xoxo Kaycee

Well, consider this video:

I hear a rumbling! Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!

So, obviously there is something to all the counseling advice about taking an interest in your partner’s interests. The next time one of my girlfriends tells me her man is “obsessed with Guitar Hero” I won’t be able to keep a straight face.

Still maybe you should just put your gaming console next to his?

This is what we invented electricity for.

At the bottom, you’ll notice six individual channels with their own adjustment knobs. This means that you could hook up more than one electrode item to your body and give different areas, different sensations. For example, you can assemble together a set that involves cockrings, tens pads, a butt plug and a urethral sound.

Oh my! Still it does lack the human touch. But you know what they say? The solution is at hand.

Operators are standing by, ready to call you.

Also -get a wireless headset. Hands Free Operation is all the rage.

You know, it is the 21st century, PEOPLE.

While I can certainly appreciate the resourcefulness of girl/boy on vegetable action- apply some technology folks.

Sara’s Hard On the Cukes (video)

Touching!

Slicing One for the Parents (video)

And who puts it back in the fridge?

But you know sometimes your solution is in your own hands. Or IS your own hands, guys. Because some hi-tech gadgets are more hype than help.

WATER PROOF TURBO STROKER

Waterproof, fully automated, one hand activation turbo stroker with 3 speeds of incredible vibrating and stroking action. Easy to disassemble and clean. Silicone donut and noduled sleeve. EZ push button action with LED lights. Requires 4 AA batteries…

Apparently that is more marketing than anything…
Bloggers have reviewed this pocket pussy and proclaim it a “wimp.” (Note: All wimps might be pussies but not all pussies are wimps.)
In any event grab your best gadget or yourself and give me a call. I feel certain we can work it out with one of my time honored solutions

Srsly, call me.

xoxBrooke69

I know it is tough out there,

Industry insiders estimate that since 2007, revenue for most adult production and distribution companies has declined 30% to 50%

…but I like to think of it as HARD TIMES. Hugely erect, hard times… But things are turning up. In fact now that grocers in the UK are starting to cater to my men, I feel a massive swell pulsing into the economy.

A supermarket giant is to cater for well-endowed men by stocking extra large condoms.

Of course I don’t think there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, but your mileage may vary.

Drunken naked man passes out in worng hotel room. In a bed already occupied by a husband and wife.

Maybe they should have just, you know, gone with it? Or maybe tied him up and taken him home to play with?

After reading this article I almost want my own pet Geek.

Best of all, though, we would fuck like rabbits. On “Who Knew? Day” employees wore badges proclaiming their sexual orientation. Intimate relationships sprouted like mold on bread….

I bet one of them came up with this page! Rrrowrrrrrrr! Do you think his congressman could name that fetish?

Rep. Alcee Hastings nearly turned C-Span into XXX-Span when he ran through a laundry list of sex fetishes on the House floor…

1. Jealous much? 2. I bet more people would WATCH C-SPAN if they had some re-enactments. Amirite? At least I HAVE learned some useful things searching for naughty bits on the internet. Like WHY the Hulk’s pants are so tight. And that a lot of 16th century nuns were not lesbians. Who knew?

Girolamo Priuli denounced them as unofficial courtesans, sleeping with foreigners in exchange for financial presents. This discreet arrangement exploded in scandal in 1561, when a convent founded for reformed prostitutes…

Oh what could possibly go wrong there?

…was discovered to be in business, with the Father confessor as pimp, having had relations with 20 of his charges himself.

I wonder if he had a Huggy Bear hat?

xoxBrooke69

Ahoy Maties! Grab Your Main Mast!

All-porpoise unguents and lubricants only really come into their own for deep-sea or ocean-going perversions, where for those particularly taken by the erotic possibilities found in bondage, an octopus or squid can be highly recommended. However, bondage experiments utilising jellyfish are not recommended, even for those experienced in deep-sea perversions.

As for those of you who prefer their perversions to be somewhat shallower, then – obviously – a snorkel and flippers would be advisable, as well as taking suitable precautions against crabs.

There are several on-board deep-sea perversions, many of them peculiar to the sailing fraternity, and a few more to peculiar sailors. Sailors are regarded as a breed apart, so one should always exercise due diligence if one offers you a chance to visit his scuppers, or offers to demonstrate his yardarm.

As for ‘all hands on deck’, this really comes into its own if there is sufficient rope to not only secure Dec himself, but enough to tie up Ant as well. This of course means making sure there are enough lead weights for the pair of them and a plank strong enough for them to walk on as well as a sufficient depth of water to make the whole exercise worthwhile.

However, once such nuisances are out of the way, there will be plenty of time for the ladies present to have a quick rummage through the sailor’s rigging and to hoist his spinnaker to a mutually satisfying degree, whilst – of course - making full use of the sextant.

Then when all the ladies on the voyage have decided they have had their fill of seamen it will be time to set course for home, where – if the ladies are recovered by then - they can direct the seamen into their harbour for one final time, before disembarking, leaving the sailors to replenish themselves at the seamen’s rest.

Visit Brooke to get Your DECK Swabbed!

I don’t think anything gets my juices flowing like a relaxing vacation, there is something about being in a hotel room that is just so sexy. I guess it is the change of environment and the lack of responsibility. Luckily starting tomorrow (June 17th) I will get to take my yearly sexy excursion to the mountains of Colorado to chill out for a week. I will miss my daily phone sex fun but that will make it all the better when I get home next friday (June 26th). I can’t wait to get back home and talk about all the slutty fun that I had on my trip. I will write a blog about it as soon as I get back from my vacation to let everyone know what kind of trouble I got into.

Can’t wait to come back and talk to all the boys. See ya soon.

This is an actual post from Craigslist for a car for sale.. enjoy!!

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don’t even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you’re being chased by Libyan terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It’s saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There’s a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $5,000 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There’s only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I’m throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can’t fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luckily I didn’t see this ad PRIOR to having to do a phone sex call.. i dont think i could get turned on with the image of a manly-man in  Hammer pants!!

Speaking of Hammer Pants..  check out this funny video - the first 10 seconds are obnoxious music.. (did i say 10 seconds?)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfxCnZ4Dp3c

I LOVE phone sex!     No seriously, I love it!  Listening to guys as they masturbate, hearing their breathing get faster, their excitement growing.. i can’t NOT touch myself.

So to spice things up, I’ve decided to give you guys a treat during this economic crunch we are coming out of.  Order a call with any of the girls between now and 2pm PST, and I will join in for FREE.

Yes!!  You saw that correctly, you get two girls for the price of one!!   Now any of you that has done calls with me or read my erotic stories, you know that i have a crazy twisted mind and love doing all sorts of wickedly wrong calls.

Let’s corrupt one of these young girls togheter!! HA HA!!  Or better yet, let me and one of the more experienced phone girls find a way to drive you wild!!

Somnophilia is the act of having sex with a sleeping or unconscious partner. For some reason I have always been into touching the unconscious or being touched while I’m sleeping. I think it is the complete control that you have; you get the feeling that you are alone when you are with a sleeping person and you’re free to explore another person without limits. When I spend the night at a friend’s house to this day I stay up waiting for them to fall asleep then sneak into their and fondle them. This is a fetish that has gotten me some strange looks when I tell my friends or lovers about it, but I know there are plenty of people out there who love to explore the sleeping bodies of their partner or maybe even that girl that got a little too drunk and passed out in your friends bedroom.

Since I started working as a phone sex girl I have been trying to find ways to integrate my favorite fetish into my phone sex sessions. The opportunity, however, has not yet arisen. Of course it is hard to have phone sex when one party is ’sleeping’ so it has required some creativity to think of scenarios that would lend themselves to phone conversations…

(more…)